Existential Therapy in Melbourne, Australia
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How to become unstuck

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​What do you do when you seem to make no progress? Here is a nuts and bolts answer, based on drawing on what is best in you. 


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The first thing is to understand the situation.

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Then, as the ancient Greek and Roman Stoic philosophers would say: Notice what is in your control and what is out of it. Once you have made that distinction, focus on what is in your control. That is the point where you can change things. You just have to work out how.

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How do you do change the cheangeable? You use the means. And you should use the best means that you can. So you should clarify how you are when you are at your best, and apply that to this situation. In short, use your strengths. You can take the VIA Strengths Survey here. The first five in your list are your signature strengths. They are you at your best. So they are your best means of overcoming challenges. 

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Now consider which of those strengths are most needed to change this situation, and how they might need to be expanded in this context, and how they will be specifically applied. We are disposed, for age-old evolutionary reasons, to focus on the negative, the deficit. However research shows that one of the most effective ways of doing better in life involves getting more creative and flexible at using your signature strengths. Of course you can also see this as an opportunity to cultivate your lower strengths, but resist the temptation to take that approach as your default - which is, again, a deficit approach - and instead focus on creatively doing more of what you're good at, applied to the situation.

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So far you have assessed the situation, what is in your control, and what strengths you need to exercise that control. You have hopefully become more aware of your strengths and expanded your understanding of how you might use them. Having done this you can now set some goals and strategies, based on the change you want, and the strengths you will use, and how you will use them. 

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Now get to work! If you don't do the work - and you may have many excuses, good and bad, for not doing it - no change will happen.  
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